Microwave Haggis Magnate Purchases the 'Crats!

[Bureaucrats]

Daniel Woods Jr. has suddenly passed, after having driven his Cadillac off a cliff after consuming a copious amount of whiskey. It was a shock to us all, as it was well known he had a 20-year chip from Alcoholics Anonymous. His family has requested we leave them alone in this trying time.

In other news, the family immediately sold the team to a long-time prospective buyer, Brian MacDonald. MacDonald, one of the few billionaires from Scotland, hails from Aberdeen and made a fortune off of Microwaveable Haggis meals. Whether or not they're actually good, is anyone's guess, but nonetheless, he is still a billionaire because of it.

At the press conference announcing the purchase, which took place on the stadium grass, he came to the podium flanked by a cavalcade of bagpipe players, blasting "Scotland the Brave" while he shouted "Scotland Forever!". The showing was so impressive, that it actually made the crowd of reporters, who were in fact not at all Scottish, clap enthusiastically to show their appreciation.

MacDonald, also known as "Willie", can be confused for any other Scotsman. He is about 5'8", 200 lbs, and has hair the color of fire. His sideburns connect in a mustache that is as bushy as the gardens in the Capital. Having been born May 9th, 1985, he has used his 52 years on this earth with nothing but the dream of owning a team. He addressed the crowd;

"I want to first say that I extend my condolences to the Woods family. Were we in different circumstances, it would be a more jovial occasion. But, I have purchased the Bureaucrats," he says, as the chorus of Bagpipers began another round of "Scotland the Brave" "I am pleased to have purchased a team with such a proud and long history as the Bureaucrats." It should be noted that he said all this during the bagpipe chorus.

"Thank you all for coming out today. I look forward to helming this team, and to bring them great success for the future!" He said, right before leaving the podium to yet another chorus of "Scotland the Brave".

Certainly, the tenure of this ownership will be interesting.

[Sandgnats]

I love these owner stories. Keep it coming.