December 11, 2032
Royce ‘Jester’ Raines
For fourteen straight seasons the #26 jersey at shortstop has been a fixture in Palm Springs, as familiar and unchanging a sight to locals as San Jacinto Peak towering over the city. But the days of that view may have come to a close. Codgers legend Royce ‘Jester’ Raines has filed for free agency in advance of the 2033 season.
“I just wanna, you know, see what’s out there,” said Raines, in a recent phone call from his Hugh Kaptur designed Mid-Century style estate in the exclusive Little Tuscany neighborhood. “I owe it to myself to see what it’s like.”
Will Raines be bidding farewell to his Desert Modern home?
Raines, a five-time All-Star in the Planetary Extreme Baseball Alliance, has spent every second of his career with the Palm Springs franchise, from the moment he was drafted first overall by the Codgers in the 2018 Amateur Draft. Rocketing through the club’s farm system, he was called up to Palm Springs in 2019, and, barring the occasional injury-rehab stint in lower environments, has been there ever since. Now, at age 36, he is setting forth on his own for the first time, perhaps taking him away from the only professional baseball home he has ever known.
“It’s definitely a weird feeling for me, to go through this experience at my age,” Raines commented.
Opinions differ on what kind of salary Raines might command on the open market.
Show Jester the money!
“We’re going with $16.4 million average annual contract value as a starting point for discussion, and believe me, that is a bargain, I am telling you,” says Raines’ agent, Larry McGwire.
For most of his career, Raines has been exceptional both at the plate and in the field. For five straight seasons in the 2020s he led the league in walks, and consistently ranked high in the year-end All-Leather Award voting. While the outstanding walk rate is still there, the defense has slipped a bit from scintillating….perhaps more than a bit.
According to second baseman Pablo Ortíz, his teammates referred to him, rather cruelly, as ‘Pastadiving’ behind his back.
Following a long-standing nickname tradition
“You know, ‘Pasta diving Royce Raines’,” snickers Ortíz. “Because he would dive and not get to grounders so often.”
His former general manager, Palm Springs head man Denny Hills, is skeptical also.
“He was a beautiful fellow for us for so many years, but it just doesn’t make sense any more. It’s sad, really,” said GM Hills, a small tear running down his cheek.
Despite the naysayers, Raines is undeterred.
“I have to bet on myself, because I know that I’m worth it,” he declared. “I am working hard to put food on the family.”
Asked if he misspoke, Raines was adamant.
“No, I said what I said. That is exactly what I meant,” he maintained.
A typical dinnertime scene at the Raines house
“We get in a lot of food fights at the dinner table at home, see,” he explained.
“So, you know, our produce budget is pretty high.”