Discombobulated Codgers Stunned by Speech, Sandgnats

[Denny]

October 10, 2008

By Granville Price, Palm Springs Semaphore

A combination of Crystal Lake hitting and front office oratory proved deadly to Palm Springs' playoff hopes Tuesday night, as they fell 8-7 to the Sandgnats in their best-of-five playoff series and were eliminated from the chase for the 2008 Rodriguez Cup.

A number of players placed the blame for the defeat on a speech delivered prior to the game by Palm Springs front office employee Angie Martinez.

"It totally took our focus away," said catcher Cristobal Pacheco.

Martinez (whose title is either Assistant General Manager or Assistant to the General Manager, depending on who one talks to) conceived of the notion of a pregame pep talk as a motivational measure.

"Denny (Palm Springs General Manager Denny Hills) was commenting about how the team seemed kinda down after losing the games in Crystal Lake, and I'm like, 'I know, right?' So I decided to go down and fire them up before the game today."
Several locker room sources corroborate what happened next.

Bursting unannounced into the middle of a last-minute chalk talk by manager Sergio Sandoval, Martinez shouted, "C'mon, guys! You can do it! Let's go! Get fired up!" She then tried to lead the team in calisthenics, bouncing up and down while exclaiming "Jumping jacks! One, two, one, two," while the Codger players looked on in amazement.

"I thought it was very, um, inspiring," said GM Hills. "She really had the fire in her eyes. Not that any of them were looking at her eyes."

She followed the abortive exercises with an impromptu demonstration of "proper feet-first sliding technique" and then some home run swings, nearly hitting left fielder Michael Smith in the process.

Finally Martinez strode over to starting pitcher Jorge 'Tattoo' Gallegos and exhorted him to add the underhanded wind-up throw used in women's softball to his arsenal of pitches, adding, "I don't know why you guys don't use this pitch. See, watch. It's totally unhittable. Seriously!" as she dented a nearby locker with an example throw. Gallegos appeared visibly shaken by the display.

"That pitch is actually illegal in baseball. That's why we don't use it," pitching coach Juan Jose Nevárez explained later.

Finally the speech/rally drew to a close. "Okay, my work here is done," said Martinez. "You know what to do, boys....go get 'em!" she cried, before bounding up the stairs to the owner's box.

When the game began, Gallegos was uncharacteristically hittable, surrendering six runs before being pulled in the fourth inning. Sen Yamasaki and Brian Langlois pitched effectively in relief, allowing just two runs the rest of the game--only one of them earned--but the damage had been done.

Palm Springs mounted a furious rally in the late innings, highlighted by rookie Keitaro Nakayama's three-run homer off ace reliever Merlin Peters in the bottom of the 8th, but it was too little, too late as the Sandgnats held on for the 8-7 victory.

After the game some players refused to use the speech as an excuse.

"We're professionals," said centerfielder John Gustafson. "We have to shut out distractions, whether it's fans booing or girls jumping around or panda attacks or whatever. We just didn't get the job done today."

Others were fuming.

"We lost the game because of her! She totally made us lose," said catcher Pacheco.

Right fielder Donnie Sutton was more diplomatic but largely in agreement. "It was kind of distracting to have it right before game time," he said.

Informed of the comments, Martinez said "F! Those guys just have no school spirit! I'm telling Dadd--er, Mr. Bunner (eccentric billionaire team owner Hopkins Bunner III)--that we need to make some changes around here."

GM Hills was philosophical.

"I said we'd get our heads beat in, and we did. It had nothing to do with Angie's speech. Those Crystal Lake boys are just too darn good."

He paused.

"Still, I think we'll have her stick to just evaluating the draft from now on."

[Denny]

Sorry for not putting in any of the links here, but I did put them all in the version on the main website and I'm just too tired to do them a second time.

[John]

No need to link your articles in the forums - that'd take way too much of your time. Doing it for the homepage article is plenty good enough. Speaking of which, here it is!

[Denny]

Thanks chief!

For those curious why this non-player/celebrity/GM keeps showing up in Palm Springs articles, Angie is one of my circle of real-life friends, the only one to take an interest in the goings-on of PEBA; so I rewarded her by giving her a job in my front office and occasional appearances in Codgers stories :)

[John]

Thanks chief!

For those curious why this non-player/celebrity/GM keeps showing up in Palm Springs articles, Angie is one of my circle of real-life friends, the only one to take an interest in the goings-on of PEBA; so I rewarded her by giving her a job in my front office and occasional appearances in Codgers stories :)

Now that I know this, I have a task for you. Both times you've posted an "Angie" story I've gone scouring the interwebs looking for a suitable picture for her, but to no avail. Since it turns out she's a real person, can you get a photo of her and email it to me? You can of course do this with or without her permission.

[Denny]

Thanks chief!

For those curious why this non-player/celebrity/GM keeps showing up in Palm Springs articles, Angie is one of my circle of real-life friends, the only one to take an interest in the goings-on of PEBA; so I rewarded her by giving her a job in my front office and occasional appearances in Codgers stories :)

Now that I know this, I have a task for you. Both times you've posted an "Angie" story I've gone scouring the interwebs looking for a suitable picture for her, but to no avail. Since it turns out she's a real person, can you get a photo of her and email it to me? You can of course do this with or without her permission.

Well, when I finally asked her about this, she asked, not unreasonably, why she should have her real photo used when the rest of us real-person front-office types are only computer-generated faces! "Because you're a girl," I told her; but this did not cut sufficient ice, so there is no Angie photo available, alas.

She does think you are cuter than me, if it's any consolation...

Come to think of it, speaking of FaceGen faces: since when do baseball general managers wear a team uniform? We should all be pictured wearing business suits and talking on cell phones.

[John]

Your friend is right: I am totally cuter than you.

As for the suits, it would be neat and certainly more realistic. But you know, I kinda like the baseball jersey. Makes me feel like a player. I mean, I'm already a playa', but I mean a baseball player.

I shouldn't be typing this late...

[Hitmen]

How about Angie or Angie then.

Or even Angie


If it has to be graphics instead of photos, I guess she would work too

[John]

Is it bad that I don't know who these people are? I'd probably roll with Angie #2; she seems a little more down-to-Earth. Now we just need more Angie stories!

[Hitmen]

Is it bad that I don't know who these people are? I'd probably roll with Angie #2; she seems a little more down-to-Earth. Now we just need more Angie stories!

Angie Harmon and Angie Everhart?

You need to know who these women are...especially Everhart

[John]

Of course I know who they are!

Everybody knows Angela Michelle Harmon Sehorn (born August 10, 1972) is an American fashion model and television/film actress. She became a well-known model in the 1990s and developed a career as a television star after roles on Baywatch Nights and Law & Order. She currently stars on ABC's Tuesday evening drama Women's Murder Club.

And who in their right mind doesn't know that Angela Kay "Angie" Everhart (born September 7, 1969) is an American actress and former fashion model?

And no, I certainly did not just copy and paste that info from these ladies' Wikipedia pages!

[Maulers]

Alright, I'm just looking at John's GM picture, and, man, talk about home-cooking!! Christ, John! You're a fashion plate!Myself, on the other hand: I look like I've just gotten my ass kicked in by a quadruple shot of Beef Eater. Jesus, I better not let my wife see these pictures...

[Denny]

Of course I know who they are!

Everybody knows Angela Michelle Harmon Sehorn (born August 10, 1972) is an American fashion model and television/film actress. She became a well-known model in the 1990s and developed a career as a television star after roles on Baywatch Nights and Law & Order. She currently stars on ABC's Tuesday evening drama Women's Murder Club.

And who in their right mind doesn't know that Angela Kay "Angie" Everhart (born September 7, 1969) is an American actress and former fashion model?

And no, I certainly did not just copy and paste that info from these ladies' Wikipedia pages!

Young people... *shakes head sadly*

[Duane]

Alright, I'm just looking at John's GM picture, and, man, talk about home-cooking!! Christ, John! You're a fashion plate!Myself, on the other hand: I look like I've just gotten my ass kicked in by a quadruple shot of Beef Eater. Jesus, I better not let my wife see these pictures...

Out with Bill I see ... I will have to bring that up at the staff meeting in the morning. Errrrrr maybe I shouldn't since he could easily fire my arse, being the owner and all.