Dobney Returns After Maui Hiatus

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Jason · #1 Post by **Jason** » Mon Sep 01, 2008 10:07 pm

Greg Johnsonson reporting for the Omaha Evening Wind.

In a stunning move, Omaha Cyclones GM Bryan Dobney revealed that he was actually nowhere near the team during it's disastrous 2008 season but was rather cavorting on the beaches of Maui. Rumors also place Christina Milian, ex-wife of New Jersey Hitmen ace Oscar Holloway, in Maui for at least part of Dobney's vacation. When asked about a possible budding relationship with the Cuban pop star, Dobney said "I don't kiss and tell... I only tell."

But with the cryptic, often confusing, and somewhat mentally challenged Dobney in Hawaii, who was running his beloved Cyclones into the ground? Dobney revealed in his tell all interview with US! Weekly Magazine that his replacement was a 56 year-old Guatemalian farmer and herdsman named Juan. When asked about his last name Dobney said "I don't know. He may have said it at some point but he spoke very poor english and I figured the more I knew the more inclined I would be to check in on him." Dobney said after making several contreversial off-season moves that he figured the team would "auto-pilot" into the playoffs and he would come out of hiding in time to "pop the bubbly with my guys." However, things went well off course as the Cyclones solid starting staff crumbled and the team staggered to just 61 wins and a last-place finish in the Great Lakes division. With the team's budget being slashed and its fans put off after a terrible showing, Dobney has his work cut out for him.

As the off-season looms, Dobney has made it clear that very few people have any security in Omaha. PEBA home run king Narahiko Imada will be around for another year as will OBP machine Armando Santana but outside of those names the lineup could have a slightly new look. Dobney described his team's starting pitching as "slutty" in 2008 and will be looking to deal former ace Norris Moncrieff for the first decent offer. However, the bullpen is the one thing Dobney will look to keep intact as closer Antonio Delgado enjoyed a terrific season and fellow relievers Bob Boyd, Jose Carlos Gonzalez, and Edgar Rodriguez all posted sub-4 ERA's despite almost constant overuse. "These guys did what they could but, in the end, you need to have a lead in order to protect the lead." Wow, I can't believe I actually missed a nap to do this interview.

So while the team moves forward once again under the steady (?) hand of GM Bryan Dobney, the fans of Omaha hope for more out of the 2009 season. It won't be hard given the 2008 season was about as competitive as an eating contest between Chris Farley (when he was alive) and Anne Heche, but there is still reason for hope in Omaha with hotshot LF Cory Pierce possibly less than a year away and fellow OF's Larry Jennings and Jose Robles waiting in AAA to try and make an impact at the major league level. However, there is still no sign of any pitching help and as the Cyclones get closer to opening day 2009 either new starters will turn up or the fans will not.

#2 Post by **Coqui** » Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:20 pm

Of all things Omaha, I find it hard to believe that your starting pitching is any sluttier than you apparently are. Milian is apparently the PEBA merry go-round.

#3 Post by **John** » Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:27 pm

Longshoremen wrote:Of all things Omaha, I find it hard to believe that your starting pitching is any sluttier than you apparently are. Milian is apparently the PEBA merry go-round.

#4 Post by **Hitmen** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 9:24 am

Except she's not anybody's ex-wife...Dobney must have been fooled by a transvestite hooker imposter.

#5 Post by **John** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 9:53 am

Hitmen wrote:Except she's not anybody's ex-wife...Dobney must have been fooled by a transvestite hooker imposter.

Yeah, I made the alteration to that passage in the homepage version of the article but it slipped through here. Christina Milian is still officially hooked up with Oscar Holloway despite a little "rough patch" during the time when Oscar was being traded. Now what Mrs. Milian-Holloway is doing with her free time... that is up for interpretation.

Jason · #6 Post by **Jason** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:55 am

Hitmen wrote:Except she's not anybody's ex-wife...Dobney must have been fooled by a transvestite hooker imposter.

After seeing the yahoo he left in charge, I wouldn't be stunned.

#7 Post by **Coqui** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:36 am

Hitmen wrote:Except she's not anybody's ex-wife...Dobney must have been fooled by a transvestite hooker imposter.

If it can happen to Ronaldo, it can happen to anybody.

YouTube · #8 Post by **DanD** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:22 am

Hitmen wrote:Except she's not anybody's ex-wife...Dobney must have been fooled by a transvestite hooker imposter.

Such is Hawaii as HBO tells