Edinburgh News - 2028-03-13 - "The Music of the Sphere"
Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2019 12:42 pm
By Hamish Campbell
Evening News Staff Writer
2028-03-13
Edinburgh, Scotland - Barely a week after the Claymores introduced their new general manager at a shambolic press conference, the team announced a new field leader Saturday at a gathering that was nearly as surreal for its own reasons.
The new Scottish manager is Hayato Sasaki, a former pitcher who appeared in three major league games for the Charleston Statesmen in 2008.
Sasaki has no managerial or coaching experience, but is well-known in sabermetic circles as a consummate stat-head who publishes regularly in the obscure but cutting edge statistical journal The Sabr’s Point.
Whether his statistical and scholarly bonafides will translate into success on the real-world baseball diamond and acceptance in the skeptical environs of the clubhouse are unknowns.
What is known is that Sasaki’s appearance before the Edinburgh sports media Saturday morning was, well, unusual.
Asked about his plans for leading the Claymores back to winning ways, Sasaki said this: “We must find a way to listen to the music of the sphere – to discover how the golden mean of sabermetric ideals can help us master the quantum physical realities of horsehide ball, ash wood bat, and leather glove.”
Come again?
“Rigorous statistical analysis,” Sasaki responded, “will help inform our baseball decision-making going forward.”
OK, Sasaki was asked, but what’s this about the music of the sphere?
“It is merely my shorthand reference to the ancient philosophical concept of the mathematical perfection of the universe and its relation to the mathematical perfection of music,” he explained.
“A baseball is a sphere, and like the planets and stars, it moves through a mathematical reality that we can chart and try to understand in ways that we translate into success on the field.”
Um, sure.
Understandably, most of the assembled media seemed befuddled by Sasaki’s presentation, and wondered how it would translate to his players and coaching staff.
General Manager Vic Caleca, who appeared at Saturday’s event via Skype over his now-familiar laptop computer, was unconcerned.
“We know that Sasaki is an unknown quantity – and, frankly, that’s what we’re looking for: creative, out-of-the-box thinking,” Caleca said. “The Claymores have not had a winning season since moving to Edinburgh, so the conventional approach clearly hasn’t gotten us very far. Let’s give innovation a chance.”
Cynics, of course, noted that Caleca was perfectly willing to embrace a more conventional approach when he tried – unsuccessfully – to hire established manager Kijuro Yoshida last week. Yoshida signed with the Duluth Warriors after spurning what insiders called a lowball offer.
Could Caleca’s newfound embrace of the sabermetric approach have anything to do with the bargain basement salary of $250,000 that Sasaki reportedly accepted?
“I don’t know where you fellas are getting your information, but it’s all pure fantasy,” Caleca harrumphed. “You all have a nice day, now.”
As at his own introductory news conference last week, he disconnected with a flourish of canned bagpipe music that left harried team staffers to usher reporters from the building.
That discordant exit left team observers with a tantalizing question: will Caleca's cheesy bagpipes prove to be harmonious with Sasaki’s “music of the sphere” approach to managing? The answer will unspool in the weeks ahead as the Claymores embark on a new season in the all-too-real world of the Planetary Extreme Baseball Alliance.
Evening News Staff Writer
2028-03-13
Edinburgh, Scotland - Barely a week after the Claymores introduced their new general manager at a shambolic press conference, the team announced a new field leader Saturday at a gathering that was nearly as surreal for its own reasons.
The new Scottish manager is Hayato Sasaki, a former pitcher who appeared in three major league games for the Charleston Statesmen in 2008.
Sasaki has no managerial or coaching experience, but is well-known in sabermetic circles as a consummate stat-head who publishes regularly in the obscure but cutting edge statistical journal The Sabr’s Point.
Whether his statistical and scholarly bonafides will translate into success on the real-world baseball diamond and acceptance in the skeptical environs of the clubhouse are unknowns.
What is known is that Sasaki’s appearance before the Edinburgh sports media Saturday morning was, well, unusual.
Asked about his plans for leading the Claymores back to winning ways, Sasaki said this: “We must find a way to listen to the music of the sphere – to discover how the golden mean of sabermetric ideals can help us master the quantum physical realities of horsehide ball, ash wood bat, and leather glove.”
Come again?
“Rigorous statistical analysis,” Sasaki responded, “will help inform our baseball decision-making going forward.”
OK, Sasaki was asked, but what’s this about the music of the sphere?
“It is merely my shorthand reference to the ancient philosophical concept of the mathematical perfection of the universe and its relation to the mathematical perfection of music,” he explained.
“A baseball is a sphere, and like the planets and stars, it moves through a mathematical reality that we can chart and try to understand in ways that we translate into success on the field.”
Um, sure.
Understandably, most of the assembled media seemed befuddled by Sasaki’s presentation, and wondered how it would translate to his players and coaching staff.
General Manager Vic Caleca, who appeared at Saturday’s event via Skype over his now-familiar laptop computer, was unconcerned.
“We know that Sasaki is an unknown quantity – and, frankly, that’s what we’re looking for: creative, out-of-the-box thinking,” Caleca said. “The Claymores have not had a winning season since moving to Edinburgh, so the conventional approach clearly hasn’t gotten us very far. Let’s give innovation a chance.”
Cynics, of course, noted that Caleca was perfectly willing to embrace a more conventional approach when he tried – unsuccessfully – to hire established manager Kijuro Yoshida last week. Yoshida signed with the Duluth Warriors after spurning what insiders called a lowball offer.
Could Caleca’s newfound embrace of the sabermetric approach have anything to do with the bargain basement salary of $250,000 that Sasaki reportedly accepted?
“I don’t know where you fellas are getting your information, but it’s all pure fantasy,” Caleca harrumphed. “You all have a nice day, now.”
As at his own introductory news conference last week, he disconnected with a flourish of canned bagpipe music that left harried team staffers to usher reporters from the building.
That discordant exit left team observers with a tantalizing question: will Caleca's cheesy bagpipes prove to be harmonious with Sasaki’s “music of the sphere” approach to managing? The answer will unspool in the weeks ahead as the Claymores embark on a new season in the all-too-real world of the Planetary Extreme Baseball Alliance.
