Jestreams and Cold Smoke: Talking Baseball Under the Big Sky

[DrewV]

January 3rd, 2029

Bozeman, MT

(Link to Front Page Article)

The PEBA offseason is a wondrous time for professional ballplayers, who take the blessed winter months to “rest the machine” and psychologically prepare for the next grueling march to the Rodriguez Cup. Some book cruises with their families; others book excursions to Monaco, Dubai, and Seoul. Some are contractually obligated to interview at charity events. In that line of fate, Amanda Scott of the Duluth Times flew west to the freezing mountains of Montana to catch up with Warriors Left Fielder Gary Charron, Second Baseman Yeong-hun Kim and Pitcher Jeffrey Mendoza. The trio were volun-told for a charity even run by southwestern Montana’s enigmatic cattle baron, Ted Tucker—known in the region as “Beef Up your Future.” The program hosts athletes from across the world to join troubled teens on expeditions across the Montana wilderness. The Times caught up with the four professional ballplayers on the slopes of the Bridger Mountains, where the three stared with mortal uncertainty at the snow-laden drops to certain death.

“Yeah, we’re happy to support—ah—whatever this is,” Gary Charron, an Ohio native, told the Times beneath four layers of Patagonia, leering his neck a bit to peer down the sheer 350 foot descent into subarctic doom.

“We die,” Yeong-hun Kim chimed in behind a ridiculously oversized pair of orange goggles, prodding toward the slope with his ski pole. “we die big time.”

As a pair of the children selected for the “Beef Up Your Future” sailed beyond the trio with ease, Jeffrey Mendoza chimed in with “Ricky McCoy can come eat my heated underwear, I’m not going down that mountain.”

Later, in the beautiful rustic lodge, the players removed their hefty outer-wear and settled in for the interview by the fireplace for a contractually mandated Q&A with the Duluth Times.

DT: So, how has your trip under the Big Sky been so far?

Kim: Very good. Shoot big, big moose! (mimes shooting a large-caliber rifle and laughs cruelly)

Charron: It’s been a good event for the kids. Growing up, I had some issues in school. Bad grades, you know—got in some fights. I had a hard time with math. So it feels good to come here and give back to kids who need a role model to look up to.

Mendoza: Yeah, I mean—I was a Rhodes Scholar. And High School math isn’t that hard. But yeah, kids like baseball. And we didn’t really have a choice.

Kim: Moose, this big (extends hands) King of Moose! Moose Emperor!

DT: Guys, we all know about the game on the field and the moves in the Front Office. But a lot of fans don’t know about life inside the clubhouse. Can you tell us what it’s like down there before a game?

Mendoza: Warrior Hall’s clubhouse is…what’s the right word?

Charron: Shit.

Mendoza: Can we say that?

DT: We’ll edit it from the transcript.

Mendoza: Okay. Yeah, it’s pretty bad. I don’t know how the league be only twenty years old, and this stadium looks like it’s straight out of a Robert Redford movie.

Charron: Who’s Robert Redford?

Kim: We wake up, cold cold morning—deep in forest—hear moose howl in the night.

Charron: That reminds me of Cold Smoke’s first time in the clubhouse when he came up.

DT: Cold Smoke?

Charron: Yeah, that’s what we call Henry.

DT: Henry Carter, the pitcher?

Charron: Yep. ‘Cold Smoke.”

DT: I have to ask, how did he get that nickname?

Mendoza: Because he smokes.

Charron: And he’s cold.

Kim: Gary say, ‘I’m afraid, Kim. No want to hunt Great Moose.”

DT: So he smokes and he’s cold? There’s a story there.

Mendoza: Look, Cold Smoke’s a…decent guy.

DT: You two are very similar, yes? Both came up last year, with nearly identical stats in 2028.

Mendoza: Actually, my ERA was significantly better. Not that it stopped the Times from focusing on him all year.

Kim: ‘Be brave, Gary!’ I shout! But Gary no leave sleeping bag.

Charron: Henry’s smart, but he’s a really quiet guy. Not the kind of dude you play cards with on the off-days. He shows up, he throws killer cutters, smokes a cigarette, and goes home. Cold Smoke.

Mendoza: I once saw him tell a third grader to ‘trade bodies with a more athletic gene pool’ when asked how to make it to the PEBA.

DT: So you would say he’s not a popular member of the clubhouse?

Charron: He’s part of the family. Just not the family you want to be, say, hanging over a cliff asking for help from. Jetstream here’s probably the most well-adjusted of the young guns.

DT: ‘Jetstream?’ That’s your nickname, Jeff?

Mendoza: Yeah, has been for a long time. I was a competitive wake boarder in Florida.

Charron: That, and his fastball comes at you so quick it has its own Jetstream. We call him “JJ” for short sometimes.

Kim: The howl of Moose King comes near. ‘quiet Gary!’ I say! ‘too late to run.’”

DT: So, let’s talk about life on the road with the Warriors. Any strange traditions or legends in the team?

Mendoza: Well, everyone knows you bring bottled water to Yuma. I’ve never tried it, but the rumor is the tap water there will kill you within thirty seconds.

Charron: I can’t confirm this, but Joe Kenny told me a pitching coach was hospitalized for three weeks after accidentally filling his humidifier with Yuma water on the road.

Mendoza: Also, the fans in Crystal Lake hate us. It’s an old rivalry, apparently. Last year my hotel bathroom toilet was stuffed full of packing peanuts after we wonthe opener.

Charron: Yeah, rivalry in the Great Lakes can be a bit…heated. I once saw an old man hurl a chili dog at least 70 meters to the first base line at Don Mercer after he sent a fastball into outer space.

Mendoza: Best pitch Crystal lake had all day that game.

DT: What’s it like playing old teammates? It must feel strange playing teams like Shin Seiki, with so many former Warriors.

Charron: We’re a pretty young team. I mean, I had just come up when Harley Schneider left. It’s always hard playing a team like Aurora, though—Bartolo Esquivel and I were good pals.

Mendoza: Yeah, Bart was a huge mentor for me.

Kim: I look into Moose Emperor’s black eyes. ‘Me or you Moose King,’ I say…

DT: What’s the atmosphere in the Warrior circle right now? I know you’re all in the offseason…but I imagine there’s some sort of Warrior group chat.

Charron: Well, right now, we’re just being made fun of for being forced to come here.

Mendoza: yeah, we don’t worry about the Front Office too much. We’re there to play.

Charron: If you’ll excuse us, I need to figure out how to unzip these snowpants. I’ve had like seven hot chocolates since we sat down.

Mendoza: Catch you next time, Mandy.

Kim: Blood! Blood everywhere!

Amanda Scott is a Senior PEBA Analyst for the Duluth Times and Editor of the Warrior Beat, The Official Blog of the Duluth Warriors.