San Antonio’s GM is still breathing!

Updated: December 27, 2015
By Joe Ricotta


SAN ANTONIO, Novemver 7th — It’s been almost a year since my last contact with San Antonio Calzones de Laredo General Manager – Simon Kuliszewski. I tried to reach him few times after our last talk in Juarez, but without any succes. After few tries i gave up, after all  he was suppose to contact me, not the other way around. But on 5th of November, only few minutes after last game of the season, he finally reached me out.


Simon Kuliszewski: „No one followed you?” – he asked before i could say anything.

Ricotta: „No, i was careful. After a year one would think you’re gonna feel more safe now”.

Kuli: „Man can’t be too cautious.”

Ricotta: „So i heard. So….did you watch the game? Randy was MVP of the series…”

Kuli: „Yeah i did.”

Ricotta: „And?”

Kuli: „And what?”

Ricotta: „How do you like it?”

Kuli: „Good for him, but I’m actually trying to forget about Randy. Fans can’t forget though and his performance doesnt help.”

Ricotta: „You still receive those threatening letters?”


Kuli: „Yeah, but only around 10 a week now. Most of them from the same people anyway.”

Ricotta: „Good to hear, i guess. So let’s talk about San Antonio’s last season. We missed playoffs again…”

Kuli: „Yeah, but only by 7 games and if we had more luck in 1-run games, we would..”

Ricotta: „If my mom had a p…”

Kuli: „Yeah yeah, i know, but let me finish. At the end of season our pyt difference was -6. Teams ahead of us were +3, +6 and +4…If everybody were at +0, San Antonio would actually be tied with Kentucky for 2nd place..”

Ricotta: „I dont even know what pyt diff is, and i bet most of the fans dont either. And even if they did, they wouldnt care. The only thing that matters is the number of wins, and thats only 80.”

Kuli: „True, but that proves our roster has the potential to be much better next year. They are still young, we just need more consistent performance from them.”

Ricotta: „You said the same thing 2 years ago. And last year. These guys are actually 2 years older now but we didnt win many more games than 2 years ago.”

Kuli: „Do you think i dont see that? Im very much aware of the issue and its about time these guys start performing instead of having only potential to do so. .640 july and .630 september are prove they can do it, we just need consistency. We were also working on keeping good spirit within the team  and i think its much better now. Seems Bob Harris has good influence on the younger guys. Anyway, i dont have much choice but to trust our guys…”

Ricotta: „What do you mean?”

Kuli: „I mean after 3 straight under .500 seasons, our budget was finally cut by thirty millions”

Ricotta: „Thirteen is not that much, im sure you can handle it..”

Kuli: „ThirtY. Three and zero. Actually thirty four. Since Randy trade, hot-dogs arent selling as good as they used to. Also some of the fans became Ocelots.. All of this doesnt leave me with much flexibility in the offseason, few of the guys will have to go…”

Ricotta: „I know i will regret it, but which guys?”

Kuli:Thom Wright.

Ricotta: „What?! Ok, Wright didnt have great season, but 2021 was pretty good, surely he is able to bounce back in 2023…”

Kuli:Antonio Carbezola

Ricotta: „No way, he was signed only in May, had .937 OPS and you let him go?!”

Kuli:Rafael Rodriguez

Ricotta: „You’ve got to be kidding me!! You are about to let go our #3 starter, with 3.77 ERA and 11-7 winning record?”

Kuli: „Hey, if you have 20 millions laying around, i’ll be glad to extend them all. Until then we’re gonna play with guys we have, we will continue to draft new players and teach them how to play San Antonio Calzones baseball. We also gonna try to find bargains in the free agency market..”

Ricotta: „I’m not sure its gonna be enough…”

Kuli: „Me neither, but its new reality in SA. We arent big market team anymore, but i stay positive. We found Hernandez (.800 OPS for 1,2M), Carbezola (.940 OPS for 1,8M), Gardner (3.25 ERA, 14-10 for 1M), Yoshimura (3.07 ERA, 10-10 for 800k) and Wunderkid candidate SS Roberto Diaz. We’ll find new guys.”

Ricotta: „Well i sure hope you’re right about this… Hey, when you’re coming back to Laredo? You can’t hide here forever..”Kuli's house

Kuli: „Yeah i’m planning to move back to my old house before Opening Day. Just need to put in new window panes and erase some graffitis, like ‘Traitor’ or ‘Thug-Goat’.”

Ricotta: „Nothing you can’t handle… Ok, gotta run. Next time we’re gonna see each other in Laredo, right? Thanks for the meeting!”

Kuli: „Oh forgot to tell you, Robert Johnson is on the block.”

Ricotta: „Wait, what?!”

Kuli: „See you in Laredo!”


I’m not sure what to think about all of this. Once again we’re losing good players in the offseason, how can SA be consistent with so much movement in 25-man every year? …

Go Calzones!