Steaming Uphill on Meatloaf

By
Updated: November 14, 2014

By Shuko Tsuji, Charleston Chronicle

November 2, 2020

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Charleston, WV – The wind blows softly as a thin layer of snow blankets Watt Powell Field.  With a gray sky and white mountains in the backdrop, the local populace walks about through the town of Charleston, feet crunching on the freshly fallen snow, with heads held low and hands buried deep into pockets.  Bitter rival Florida took home an early Christmas present and West Virginia failed even to make the playoffs.  While it is early for snow, even in the Allegheny Mountains, it is a fitting reminder that another baseball season in the PEBA has passed.  As the ground beneath the ballpark begins to freeze and the grass dies with the telltale signs of winter, so dawns a new season of change in the PEBA, one that could possibly breathe some life into a fan base that otherwise looks like the walking dead from the third story corner office of the Chronicle building.

West Virginia starts 2021 fresh in a new division with all members being prior LRS teams except for friendly division-mate Charleston.  Having left their previous division with zero divisional titles, the Alleghenies’ best chance at winning is in this first year, while the new teams are getting adjusted to the PEBA.  Most scouts also agree that while talented, the players in the LRS are not as good as the average player in the PEBA.  West Virginia really needs to spend big in this coming free agency because it may be their only chance at ever winning a title before their stupid general manager goes and sticks his tongue on a lamppost like that ugly fat girl just did across the street at the post office.

The worst part about all of this is that West Virginia has more worthless contracts than snowflakes on the sidewalk and the only way for them to spend money this offseason is by reducing the player development and scouting budgets.  Most walking zombie fans agree wholeheartedly that since our scouting and prospect development is churning up meatloaf, the team should dump those budgets and sign horrific long term contracts to players in their late 30’s.  If the meatloaf produced anything, the organization would not have to turn to such drastic measures, but it is not your mother’s meatloaf.  The product lately resembles something more like what a senile grandma would make when she had a leftover fruitcake from last Christmas and wanted to add some flavor her special recipe.  The fans of West Virginia deserve to be more than a leftover carcass, killed by year after year of toxin buildup from barfloaf, shuffling around downtown like the walking dead.  West Virginia was placed in a division of mis-fit loser teams that nobody wanted, and they have a chance to come out on top, which is good because these zombies are starting to walk closer to each other.  And everyone knows what happens when angry zombies start gathering together.  It starts to look a lot like the streets of Yuma!

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